Spill!

Just cus I’m awake…

So I felt like looking at my old photography that I posted a while back, and as I did that I came across a bunch of text posts that I had written from 15-17. Within those two years I was involved in two serious relationships. I would say the first one was more serious, and the second one it was just me who was serious haha. Anyway. With the first relationship, that all started out when I was 15. Still so naive. But at least I can look back now and say “Yes. That was love.” As opposed to the relationship I was involved in around 17, where I look back and can’t even try and convince myself that that was love. I mean how could it possibly have been love? We were hardly even close friends before and I swore we were. We never even became close friends while being TOGETHER. We started telling each other we loved each other before the first month. Like what the fuck? I should have known better being in a real relationship at a younger age. It drives me crazy how dumb I was to tell myself I was in love with him, and the fact that I fought people over him when they would talk shit. Cus looking back, I can’t even remember why I thought he was so important. I can’t remember what it was that I “loved” about him. All I can remember is everything I disliked and everything that hurt. I cried so many nights out of those pointless 7 months. If there’s anything I regret, it’s not the relationship. Cus I learned so much. What I regret is wasting such meaningful and important three words on a person that made me so miserable. On a person that I can’t even admit to myself that I even loved. Cus after all the bullshit, I finally snapped out of denial and REALIZED. I guess I’m just mad at myself for being so stupid when I was much smarter before haha. *end rant*